The Purge: Take Inventory, What is your mind holding on to?
image Ashlee Hamon
Whoa. The struggle has been real this past week. I'm definitely moving in to a phase of Spring Cleaning, I feel the need creeping up on me. Who's with me?
I seem to get an overwhelming urge, every few months or so, to go on a cleaning spree and purge.
For a long time I thought this was my OCD taking hold and controlling my inability to function if things aren't in order. Which is a contradictory feeling for me with my mind being scattered and cluttered with ideas and creations daily.
Oh the irony, I love a spotless environment where things are in order, yet in my mind its this unorganized chaos of color, dreams, and a never ending list of ideas .
Inevitably, when the two notions, mind vs. physical, get so far out of balance, I always find myself coming back to the purge.
Initially when I started identifying this need for myself, I thought it was just a way to physically provide myself with a therapeutic means, a cleansing if you will, to help give control back to myself with the things I can control (my environment).
It's taken me some time to realize, when I restore my environment, this action in turn calms my mind, allowing me to begin again and gain some much needed clarity. Its like taking a deep breath and exhaling audibly, inviting a calm to soothe the body.
What I didn't realize for years, was that a purge can happen in the physical world and also in your internal world. What does that mean you ask?
Going back a couple of posts to Patience Please. I was encouraging you to love yourself first as often times we are our own worst critic. Sadly, due to this, we often point out our short comings long before ever giving ourselves acknowledgment or credit for any successes no matter how big or how small.
Well, when we start listening to our internal voice, of what we need, calming our mind to hear our hearts request we can then start the process of loving ourself. Part of this self love and self-acceptance? We start realizing we are in control of recognizing what we must do. We then can choose to set actions in motion to accomplish this, or ignore it because it seems unfathomable.
You see, I'm discovering that we are navigating our life and our bodies, often times from ideas and notions of what we should do, should be or should have done. We often times aren't listening to what we must do. Maybe we have heard the "must" speak to us and we don't know how to honor it? Maybe we've been so focused on obtaining the "shoulds" that have been placed on us, wether it's from ourselves, our loved ones or society, we haven't even stopped to hear what the must is. These "shoulds" are our life's dementors (yes, I do love Harry Potter references) and they suck the life out of us, they can make us numb to what we really need.
How often do you hear a child say, I should ride my bike today because someone else told me I should? Yeah, I didn't think so. Children normally just do things, because they must do them, they are exploring life's adventure and are present in each moment, they are just "doing" without hesitation. They ride a bike because it sounds good, they draw a picture because they want to, not because they should be doing these things. Something internally is telling them, moving them towards these actions in order to achieve fulfillment or satisfaction with their day.
Who said we have to lose this growing up? I don't know about you, but I never got an adult handbook of the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" of being a grown up? So why would I listen to these "shoulds" that have been circling in my mind for years?
The long and the short of the post is this... Take inventory and purge not only physical things that you don't need in your life any longer, also purge the internal constraints that you no longer want to move forward with in your life. When you start taking inventory of what you must do, you'll find it is much easier to start relinquishing yourself from some of the "shoulds" you've held onto for so long and no longer need.
I've been getting rid of the thought that I should be a corporate business executive in order to achieve status and success... It was never something that I felt I must do, only something that I thought I should do in order to be accepted or revered by others. When I said goodbye to this should, immediately it was as thought a weight had been lifted. These days I know that I must create, I don't always know how I must create, just that I must for my fulfillment and satisfaction for myself, not anyone else. It's not a perfect cycle, it's just the beginning. It's scary, uncertain and also really refreshing and freeing.
Enjoy the purge and remember it's not a one time thing, it's crazy how fast things accumulate in the physical world and the internal realm too. Embrace the new day and remember you're in control of who you want to be and how you want to achieve it.